本來就知道會考不好,但出乎我預料之外的是,竟然不及格.
SHOCK!!
怎麼了?
問題出在哪裡?
題目難?
我沒辦法以這個做藉口,我過不了自己.
如果題目難,為甚麼別人可以有90分?
別騙自己了...
可是為甚麼......90分的卻不是自己?那不是應該屬於我的嗎?
雖說平均分數都過了,但卻因為這次,僅僅因為這次,我的平均分數低了.
甚麼心情?我感覺自己已掉入深淵,萬劫不復.
怎麼辦?我找不到出路.
也第一次,因為考不好而哭.
我看著不屬於自己的90分,我只想一頭撞牆,流血不止而身亡.
我根本沒辦法接受這個事實!!
很好,我這幾天的心情可說是差得快瘋掉,加上這個打擊,我已開始神智不清,胡言亂語.
"屁!還說要考上外語系,我現在是不是要等著回去大馬了?"
我可以想像如果被送回去,爸媽那種失望的表情.
我知道,最痛苦的不是我,而是家裡那兩位老人家.
我知道我是他們最後的希望,可是我在幹嘛呢?
這一次,我要如何責怪自己?一時大意?屁!
所有的問題,所有的困擾,都是我自己造成.
一開始就是錯,一開始就已經是噩夢了.
最對不起的不是我自己,而且辛苦給我賺錢的爸媽.
我堅持不放棄自己,是因為我看見你們辛苦努力的把我抓著.
感覺...這好像是我的最後了,我快倒下了.
你們...放棄我好嗎?
越是不放棄,我的罪惡感就越重.別這樣折磨我了......
我恐怕真是會被人笑死.
"英文不及格?!有沒有搞錯?!"
沒有搞錯,我的確是不及格,我也希望這只是一場夢.
但這真的是夢嗎?我為何還如此清晰的感覺到它的真實感?
最後~我栽在自己手上了~
15 5月 2010
~早餐~
謝謝這頓豐盛的早餐,也謝謝陪我一起享受早餐的嘉華.這幾天爆躁的心情,也好了許多.哈!雖然看起來像屎一樣,但味道真棒!
看來賣相方面有待改變哦!
不過老實說,看來愈是像屎的東西就愈是好吃.
兩人從宿舍騎著腳踏車出去.長長的路,清新的空氣,漂亮的大自然,可愛的雨滴......啊...舒服極了!真是寵辱皆忘.
好像來這裡都沒享受如此般的早晨.
突然想起以前,一大清早開車出去,就是為了陪我的寶貝朋友吃早餐.那種感覺,比談戀愛還要幸福百倍.
一整夜沒睡,我還真佩服自己還有這樣的精神很力氣可以騎腳踏車.一路上還有說有笑的.
那一路上,我抱著期待豐盛早餐的心情,因為我知道,這一路的大自然已讓我有很好的心情,再加上那豐盛的早餐,我的心情會好上千倍.
兩人帶著活像熊貓似的眼睛,燦爛的笑容,快樂的享受這一餐.
有豆漿,油條,蘿蔔糕,餃子,蔥抓餅......
哇...棒極了!
我好像累得差點睡著了,說話也開始語無倫次了.
還好,還好,我撐了下去.
然後呢,我們兩人去逛早市.
唷!這可是我的第一次喔!
我這大懶睡豬,平時才沒那好氣去逛早市呢!這次卻破例了.
榴槤呢!哇...好大顆的榴槤!!
不過肯定沒有馬來西亞的好吃.賣相是很不錯,不過就如我所說的,通常賣相醜的東西才會特別好吃.
嘻嘻...
逛著逛著,耗著耗著,真的是累了.就這樣,耗了整個凌晨和一個早晨.
早餐後,我是時候上床睡覺啦!
啊...我睏了.
~HAVE A NICE DAY~
14 5月 2010
溝通
這"溝通"是什麼傢伙?我總覺的,這是很煩人的東西.
是我的表達能力和語言能力不好嗎?
還是...你們聽不懂人話?
還是...我講的不是人話?
啊...突然想起:"我很害怕失去你們,我們會永遠都像現在這樣吧?"
曾經...我這麼一問.
我以為我們可以
我以為我們都不會變
事實上不是的.
"不知呢!明天的事沒人知."
也對,本來就是這樣.
我看不見我們以前在一起的那種快樂,無論是怎樣的溝通,我們都聽不懂.
是怎麼了?
突然覺得,這樣的感情就像一筆交易,一種投資.
拿了錢可以走人,投資賺了就再做另一項的投資.
紙幣,是可以撕破的.
我們的感情,也是脆弱的.
只因,我看不見妳有多珍惜,多想保留.
感覺,你在摧殘.
算了吧!本來我就不應該如此的執著.
在我心裡,早有一段已生根的友誼.
那是不會變的
那是經得起風浪的
那是不會被破壞的
那也是不會背叛的
那是任何人都無法介入的
哈!經過這一次,我終於知道,友誼也可以有一套甜言蜜語.
就是會跟對方說,對方在自己心裡有多麼重的地位.
可惜呀可惜,我卻不會這麼一般的甜言蜜語.
也可能,你並不清楚我真的是否那麼重要吧!
是的,我就是那麼執著,我就是那麼認真.
無論是對待哪位朋友,我什麼都可以全力以赴,結果我卻是傷痕累累.
朋友啊,我的朋友,沒關係,我沒事,相信我,我很快就會沒事.
雖說我們之間出現了溝通這個"障礙物",但我的心還是一樣,那是不會變的,因為我是你們口中所說的"稀有動物".哈!
去吧!~隨風而去~
是我的表達能力和語言能力不好嗎?
還是...你們聽不懂人話?
還是...我講的不是人話?
啊...突然想起:"我很害怕失去你們,我們會永遠都像現在這樣吧?"
曾經...我這麼一問.
我以為我們可以
我以為我們都不會變
事實上不是的.
"不知呢!明天的事沒人知."
也對,本來就是這樣.
我看不見我們以前在一起的那種快樂,無論是怎樣的溝通,我們都聽不懂.
是怎麼了?
突然覺得,這樣的感情就像一筆交易,一種投資.
拿了錢可以走人,投資賺了就再做另一項的投資.
紙幣,是可以撕破的.
我們的感情,也是脆弱的.
只因,我看不見妳有多珍惜,多想保留.
感覺,你在摧殘.
算了吧!本來我就不應該如此的執著.
在我心裡,早有一段已生根的友誼.
那是不會變的
那是經得起風浪的
那是不會被破壞的
那也是不會背叛的
那是任何人都無法介入的
哈!經過這一次,我終於知道,友誼也可以有一套甜言蜜語.
就是會跟對方說,對方在自己心裡有多麼重的地位.
可惜呀可惜,我卻不會這麼一般的甜言蜜語.
也可能,你並不清楚我真的是否那麼重要吧!
是的,我就是那麼執著,我就是那麼認真.
無論是對待哪位朋友,我什麼都可以全力以赴,結果我卻是傷痕累累.
朋友啊,我的朋友,沒關係,我沒事,相信我,我很快就會沒事.
雖說我們之間出現了溝通這個"障礙物",但我的心還是一樣,那是不會變的,因為我是你們口中所說的"稀有動物".哈!
去吧!~隨風而去~
04 5月 2010
23 Days......
If there is only 23 days left to me, what I want to do?
*Snapping photo with you guys.
*Having reunion dinner with my dear family.
*One more kiss with you.
*One more hug from you.
Hey my dear ocean, let me lying on your bosom.
Hey my dear ocean, please hug me in your bosom.
Hey my dear ocean, please bring me to another paradise through your bosom.
Your bosom is the only way that I can go, I wanna go.
23 days...... Appreciate all the time we being together.
23 days...... Searching back the sweet memories which are belongs to us.
23 days...... Having every breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper with you guys.
23 days...... Travel to anywhere that we look forward to go.
23 days...... There is just only APPRECIATE I can do to all of you.
I love you guys.
I'm thankful that babies you are always arouding me.
I'm grateful that my dear God bring me to here.
Mum, Dad, thank you very much!!
Absolutely, everything you give to me, I appreciate.
No blame on you, only LOVE in you.
But if it is just 23 days left to me, I'm so sorry my Mum and Dad.
I'm sorry that I need to go.
I'm sorry that I can't stay with you for long life.
I'm sorry that I can't bring you so much happiness.
I'm sorry that I wasted your money.
And...... I'm sorry that I wasted your tears too.
But I promise here, I will LOVE you with my LIFE.
The only memory that I can give to you in my last life, it is just a damaged photo.
~Remember my smile~
~Remember my voice~
~Remember my tenderness~
Actually, I wanna be alive. I wanna stay long and long.
But...... May I?
Well, although HE take my breath away from you, I still believe that HE will bring you my LOVE everyday.
So cheer babe, everything gonna be okay soon.
23 days...... My love to you guys not only 23 days, but FOREVER!!
*Snapping photo with you guys.
*Having reunion dinner with my dear family.
*One more kiss with you.
*One more hug from you.
Hey my dear ocean, let me lying on your bosom.
Hey my dear ocean, please hug me in your bosom.
Hey my dear ocean, please bring me to another paradise through your bosom.
Your bosom is the only way that I can go, I wanna go.
23 days...... Appreciate all the time we being together.
23 days...... Searching back the sweet memories which are belongs to us.
23 days...... Having every breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper with you guys.
23 days...... Travel to anywhere that we look forward to go.
23 days...... There is just only APPRECIATE I can do to all of you.
I love you guys.
I'm thankful that babies you are always arouding me.
I'm grateful that my dear God bring me to here.
Mum, Dad, thank you very much!!
Absolutely, everything you give to me, I appreciate.
No blame on you, only LOVE in you.
But if it is just 23 days left to me, I'm so sorry my Mum and Dad.
I'm sorry that I need to go.
I'm sorry that I can't stay with you for long life.
I'm sorry that I can't bring you so much happiness.
I'm sorry that I wasted your money.
And...... I'm sorry that I wasted your tears too.
But I promise here, I will LOVE you with my LIFE.
The only memory that I can give to you in my last life, it is just a damaged photo.
~Remember my smile~
~Remember my voice~
~Remember my tenderness~
Actually, I wanna be alive. I wanna stay long and long.
But...... May I?
Well, although HE take my breath away from you, I still believe that HE will bring you my LOVE everyday.
So cheer babe, everything gonna be okay soon.
23 days...... My love to you guys not only 23 days, but FOREVER!!
25 4月 2010
When it's 2012...
"Do you believe the prophecy of 2012"
What I can answer is: I don't know, but I really scare it will be happen.
Anyway, I already get ready for it.
I appreciate all the time which is left for me
I appreciate all the time which can be with you guys
I appreciate all the time which I can snaping photos with you
......
These few days, such of nightmare are burning on me, I'm scare and worry.
The greenhouse effect getting increase.
My GOD, is that THE ALARM OF 2012?
When I open my facebook, I saw my friend's status:
"Damn hot!"
"It is hot!"
All of their status are about the fucking hot weather.
Actually, is that the punishment of the God to human being?
So we are unforgivable?
I almost fainted down because of over tired few days ago.
When I've sent to the hospital, I saw people were queuing up and need helps.
Yea... I need helps too.
I cried.
I cried when I saw the doctors and nurses try their every best to help me.
I cried when I saw needles which are sticking into my body
And... I cried when I saw the patients try to be alive.
Oh my God!! I pray and pray.
When I came back, I still can see you and feel you.
Oh no!! Thanks God! I'm still alive.
Please my dear God, please don't destroy this world.
I dreamed about you recently.
The sky suddenly become dark, and I can see nothing. You are side by me, I hold your hand and we run and run.
We run to ~peace~
We run to ~happiness~
All the ship are sinking in the ocean at the same time, and the sea try to flood through us.
Oh my God!! We are helpless!!
Pray is the only way that we can do.
We cry
We pray
We run
We hold each other deeply
When we are going to lost something, then only we will ask for more time to have, pray and appreciate.
I'm grateful, I'm happy, I'm in LOVE.
My dear, come on let's pray for
~PEACE~
~HAPPINESS~
~LOVE~
And, pray for ~YOU AND ME~
I feel grateful and appreciate because I'M STILL ALIVE!!
What I can answer is: I don't know, but I really scare it will be happen.
Anyway, I already get ready for it.
I appreciate all the time which is left for me
I appreciate all the time which can be with you guys
I appreciate all the time which I can snaping photos with you
......
These few days, such of nightmare are burning on me, I'm scare and worry.
The greenhouse effect getting increase.
My GOD, is that THE ALARM OF 2012?
When I open my facebook, I saw my friend's status:
"Damn hot!"
"It is hot!"
All of their status are about the fucking hot weather.
Actually, is that the punishment of the God to human being?
So we are unforgivable?
I almost fainted down because of over tired few days ago.
When I've sent to the hospital, I saw people were queuing up and need helps.
Yea... I need helps too.
I cried.
I cried when I saw the doctors and nurses try their every best to help me.
I cried when I saw needles which are sticking into my body
And... I cried when I saw the patients try to be alive.
Oh my God!! I pray and pray.
When I came back, I still can see you and feel you.
Oh no!! Thanks God! I'm still alive.
Please my dear God, please don't destroy this world.
I dreamed about you recently.
The sky suddenly become dark, and I can see nothing. You are side by me, I hold your hand and we run and run.
We run to ~peace~
We run to ~happiness~
All the ship are sinking in the ocean at the same time, and the sea try to flood through us.
Oh my God!! We are helpless!!
Pray is the only way that we can do.
We cry
We pray
We run
We hold each other deeply
When we are going to lost something, then only we will ask for more time to have, pray and appreciate.
I'm grateful, I'm happy, I'm in LOVE.
My dear, come on let's pray for
~PEACE~
~HAPPINESS~
~LOVE~
And, pray for ~YOU AND ME~
I feel grateful and appreciate because I'M STILL ALIVE!!
21 4月 2010
青海玉樹地震
青海玉樹地震,造成2064人遇難,175人失蹤.另有12135人受傷,其中1434人重傷.
見鬼了!!搞什麼?
剛剛才再說我很難過日子,為了哀悼,不能上pps看戲,不能下載歌曲.
"我好無辜!"
這4個字從我口中說出來,我突然覺得自己是個喪心病狂.
怎麼可以?我怎麼可以說出這樣子的話?
無辜?什麼話?!
比我無辜的人多得是,我竟然還在埋怨沒有更好的享受.
多少人連享受的機會也沒有了.
生命真的是如此脆弱嗎?
一個地震,就可以奪走了如此多的生命,摧殘了許多的家園.
天那!!這天災到底要持續到什麼時候才停止?為什麼上天大肆搶奪這無辜的性命?難到人類真的是錯得無法原諒嗎?
地震前,這樣的情景早已出現在夢裡.
是的,我是瘋人,我又要說我能預知什麼未來.
好吧!你們就別信,就當作是我自言自語.
夢裡,我看見那女孩穿著黑色的衣服,很輕微的被車撞傷.
我可以不信邪,所以什麼都沒說,結果卻發生了.
我自責不已.
混亂的地震,也出現在我的夢裡.我以為,只是夢,純粹是夢,結果一切相似的事情都發生了.
我就是完全抓不到.
一次,可以是巧合.但接二連三,你要我怎麼解釋?
祂讓我預知,讓我感覺到,但一切發生都在我預料之外,在我毫無心理準備的情況下.我要怎麼去避免?
7.1級,搞什麼?!你是在懲罰我嗎?為什麼要用人類的生命來懲罰我?
如果時間可以倒流,我希望我不曾做過那噩夢.
如果時間可以倒流,我希望地震沒發生過.
如果時間可以倒流,我希望我一人可以換取那兩千多人生命.
如果時間可以倒流,我希望我可以為你們去受傷.
沒有如果,也沒有時間倒流.
而我,必須承受這樣的痛苦.
我痛在心裡,眼淚往我的臉頰拍打.
這種痛,比我失戀的感覺還要痛.
我慶幸自己還活著,但我悲哀這一瞬間失去了那麼多的生命.
我還可以看到每天的日出
我還可以看到每天的日落
我還可以每天跟你們一起吃飯
我還可以每天感覺到你們
我還可以每天感受到被你放鴿子感覺
.........
我還有多少個每天?
我還有多少淚可以流?
經過這一次,我更珍惜我活下來的每一天.
帶著悲傷,身懷~感恩~
見鬼了!!搞什麼?
剛剛才再說我很難過日子,為了哀悼,不能上pps看戲,不能下載歌曲.
"我好無辜!"
這4個字從我口中說出來,我突然覺得自己是個喪心病狂.
怎麼可以?我怎麼可以說出這樣子的話?
無辜?什麼話?!
比我無辜的人多得是,我竟然還在埋怨沒有更好的享受.
多少人連享受的機會也沒有了.
生命真的是如此脆弱嗎?
一個地震,就可以奪走了如此多的生命,摧殘了許多的家園.
天那!!這天災到底要持續到什麼時候才停止?為什麼上天大肆搶奪這無辜的性命?難到人類真的是錯得無法原諒嗎?
地震前,這樣的情景早已出現在夢裡.
是的,我是瘋人,我又要說我能預知什麼未來.
好吧!你們就別信,就當作是我自言自語.
夢裡,我看見那女孩穿著黑色的衣服,很輕微的被車撞傷.
我可以不信邪,所以什麼都沒說,結果卻發生了.
我自責不已.
混亂的地震,也出現在我的夢裡.我以為,只是夢,純粹是夢,結果一切相似的事情都發生了.
我就是完全抓不到.
一次,可以是巧合.但接二連三,你要我怎麼解釋?
祂讓我預知,讓我感覺到,但一切發生都在我預料之外,在我毫無心理準備的情況下.我要怎麼去避免?
7.1級,搞什麼?!你是在懲罰我嗎?為什麼要用人類的生命來懲罰我?
如果時間可以倒流,我希望我不曾做過那噩夢.
如果時間可以倒流,我希望地震沒發生過.
如果時間可以倒流,我希望我一人可以換取那兩千多人生命.
如果時間可以倒流,我希望我可以為你們去受傷.
沒有如果,也沒有時間倒流.
而我,必須承受這樣的痛苦.
我痛在心裡,眼淚往我的臉頰拍打.
這種痛,比我失戀的感覺還要痛.
我慶幸自己還活著,但我悲哀這一瞬間失去了那麼多的生命.
我還可以看到每天的日出
我還可以看到每天的日落
我還可以每天跟你們一起吃飯
我還可以每天感覺到你們
我還可以每天感受到被你放鴿子感覺
.........
我還有多少個每天?
我還有多少淚可以流?
經過這一次,我更珍惜我活下來的每一天.
帶著悲傷,身懷~感恩~
14 4月 2010
迷人
午飯時間我依然像平常一樣,拿了食物就到平時坐的餐桌.
手裡的餐盤還沒放下,有個迎面而來的笑容.
紫色的外套,活像迷你裙的褐色校裙.臉部,還是被口罩遮蓋了一半.
"白癡喔?那我怎麼知道她對著我笑呢?"
臉的上半部,往上拉了一些些,好像還笑得挺開心的喔!
我甚至感覺得到,口罩裡那甜美的笑容.
已習慣了背對著這般神祕的美麗.
而我的背後像是有長眼睛似的,總覺得有人看著我
YES! BINGO! 果然!
"她一直看著你呀!"
我就知道嘛!
但我好像還蠻享受這種感覺的.
今天,我可以完完全全察覺那是多麼的迷人,多麼的吸引.
坐得離我有些遠,所以我很勇敢的,很不由自主轉頭過去.
哇...長長的頭髮,開心的握著筷子吃飯,跟朋友快樂的聊天.
讚!正!帥!美!
"你為什麼一直偷笑?"
哎呀!!被發現了...
其實我不是偷笑,只是覺得有種甜甜的感覺,就像剛喝了什麼愛心甜湯或是撿到什麼好東西似的.
怎麼如此的迷人?真是美妙極了!!
似乎......我發現的太遲.
我的咪咪笑,讓我的嘴巴覺得好累.
那獨一無二的神秘美感,親切溫柔的迷人笑容,讓我有點想投降了.
慢慢的...慢慢的...把口罩脫下來,更是美麗得讓我把眼睛睜得更大.
小姐,怎麼我找到你身上的完美卻看不見你的缺陷美呢?
還是要謝謝你的"迷人",至少...你讓我今天多了許多的笑容.
手裡的餐盤還沒放下,有個迎面而來的笑容.
紫色的外套,活像迷你裙的褐色校裙.臉部,還是被口罩遮蓋了一半.
"白癡喔?那我怎麼知道她對著我笑呢?"
臉的上半部,往上拉了一些些,好像還笑得挺開心的喔!
我甚至感覺得到,口罩裡那甜美的笑容.
已習慣了背對著這般神祕的美麗.
而我的背後像是有長眼睛似的,總覺得有人看著我
YES! BINGO! 果然!
"她一直看著你呀!"
我就知道嘛!
但我好像還蠻享受這種感覺的.
今天,我可以完完全全察覺那是多麼的迷人,多麼的吸引.
坐得離我有些遠,所以我很勇敢的,很不由自主轉頭過去.
哇...長長的頭髮,開心的握著筷子吃飯,跟朋友快樂的聊天.
讚!正!帥!美!
"你為什麼一直偷笑?"
哎呀!!被發現了...
其實我不是偷笑,只是覺得有種甜甜的感覺,就像剛喝了什麼愛心甜湯或是撿到什麼好東西似的.
怎麼如此的迷人?真是美妙極了!!
似乎......我發現的太遲.
我的咪咪笑,讓我的嘴巴覺得好累.
那獨一無二的神秘美感,親切溫柔的迷人笑容,讓我有點想投降了.
慢慢的...慢慢的...把口罩脫下來,更是美麗得讓我把眼睛睜得更大.
小姐,怎麼我找到你身上的完美卻看不見你的缺陷美呢?
還是要謝謝你的"迷人",至少...你讓我今天多了許多的笑容.
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